La Femme

Sunshine after the Rain

2005-07-22T01:31:00.000+08:00

Yes Yes YES!!! When you fail, you really juz gotta pull yourself together, and try to look for a brighter side to look at... Though i can't deny that, things will all juz look dark and absolutely not-promising at the moment itself.

Phew! Finally a good reply after the so-many emails!!! Thankful man! The word glad juz isn't good enough...

And i've also finally gotten back my story telling stuff! *awesome!* Not bad.. Not Bad at all... =D It was... I guess better than what i expected? *grinZ* But it would be cool to improve on it! Hey! Ya never knoe how far it might go?! Right?! =D

if u fail, put yourself back together...

2005-07-16T22:40:00.000+08:00

After all the anticipation, waiting, and emailing... I didn't clinch the deal about going to the POST PRODUCTION HOUSE... I muz emphasize on tt for being a bimbo who left out the word POST in the front! Well... Juz smile and say thx... *bimbo*

hmm... i wonder.. how many ppl are passing around the thing they've heard about. Well.. Anyway, update on your gossips ppl... Some are either so outdated... Or so so WRONG! O god man...

The last few days, i was kinda wondering what i'll be doing after poly.. But i kinda realised tt i've got no idea... *wow... how wonderful... Looking forward to God's plans, i'll juz work hard and smile to life.

Post & Production House

2005-07-11T19:18:00.000+08:00

Okay.. I made a blunder.. production house, post production house... Oh god man... Do you think someone like me could tell the diff?? Or would i even know this kinda thing? Yea... My fault that i never research more... But still.. I seriously din mean it man!

Nevermind, at least he'll still spare us the time next week... God... i'll never wanna send these kinda formal letters out next time man... Wat a blunder?!

Yea... i've been doing absolutely nothing today!

Happier time

2005-07-07T07:43:00.000+08:00

Think this blog juz needs a change... Too much unhappy stuff all this time and i'm pretty sick of it. So.. On to some happier stuff...

Cam-Lighting - Yes! I've more or less kinda finished that assignment... Man! It was terrible... U either had cam, no lights. Then in worse situation, have lights, NO cam! Nah... But Mr Bear (model) still managed to get his shots done. He looks so good in every shot! Lol...

The ToP 10 Comic characters! *wHeE~*

No. 10: Oops.. i missed it...
No. 9: Witch Blade
No. 8: Akira
No. 7: The Incredible Hawk
No. 6: Wonder Woman
No. 5: Superman
No. 4: Err... I forgot this
No. 3: Some guy I'm not too sure i think..
No. 2: Spider-Man (My Fav!!!)
No. 1: Batman!!!

The Gap...

2005-07-02T12:45:00.000+08:00

Bad enough that between her and i, a big gap stands in between.
-When tales of losing sides were whispering through the dust in the winds, i defied, i refused, denied a fate that i had no choice to choose.

Now... You've won him over...
-The wind carries no longer a tale, but a story that i've got no path to choose. Not like the imaginery role-play games, this is life, reality taking place.

I stand alone...
-Cold, hostality... A treatment given by you, but why you took him over too to give me that exact treatment too?! I won't concede to this.

That's why i don't like this house... that's why i don't like to come back(home)...
-All the ranting i suffer for you 2, i'm tired of listening. I rather leave here, juz to save it all for you 2! *hmpft!*

Complaining bout me??
-The walls know best who's true... All's left is pain and depress; could that be the world without you two.

Forget it... I've already lost... A kinship which i doubt can be built.
Time to make plans on what to do next time... sigh...

And there's no closest next to console me, small broken promises that i don't knoe when it's true. Have you FELT my words before? It's not juz bout reading, it's bout the feeling... Where were you?

Some courage in ya pls~! *ya no guts!

2005-06-28T01:28:00.000+08:00

Let's see... I went for the opening of MapleSea Event over ze weekend. Heh heh... Was kinda interesting to sit in the Lanshop play a game of maple and trying to win a prize in a 5 min game. Characters were all rushing up the ladders, adding the fact that our "jump" mode was locked and we couldn't use it. All the game characters ran up and down the ladders, some on the same side, some on another ladder within screen range. Quite messy and "what the heck?" especially with a 5 minute counter counting down while trying to get to the right portal. But still, *heh heh* with a stroke of luck and a guinea pig sacrifice, i won the game! Yep! YippY!

Well... There's not much to update these days, i guess not so much to let others find out how ya doing these days either, since hardly anyone's reading... However, i guess some things juz go on, so i guess the blogging stays on too.

Having lots to say, is juz us, human behaviour. But saying in their faces, that's tough and no joke, sometimes may result in some anger, pain, or beaming wide smiles. So managing to find some courage to tell... I guess i can deserve a pat on the back. (i found my guts somewhere at last~!) And whether others dislike me or got a prob with me, ya got no courage to tell it to me or even explain why~ So... That's your prob, but ya'll be most welcome to tok it out... So... Where's your guts man? Am i tt scary?

Stop & feel

2005-06-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

The one who does not speak,
will always never say a word.
While silence there is,
each action pierces deeply.

In speech what is said
may not always be meant.
Talk of carefree and not minding a thing
are just out of respect from this lowly one

Sometimes seemingly having no stand
nor say in any claims.
Yet outright if a judgement given,
was clearly a winning situation.

Things done wondered if ever thought
twice in the eyes of the receiver.
Ever stop to feel the sadness
which has engraved itself within...

Pain no longer can be used
for something far beyond the explanatory.
Not knowing what it feels
still continues faithfully after all.

Boring life? Imagine then!!!

2005-06-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

haven't been blogging often. I lead a boring life after all... Last week i was at one of those lowest moments in life, so most likely if ya saw me and thought i look pretty gloomy or sad, ya not very wrong indeed... And to make matters worst... I fell sick too which explains the disappearance of me on Saturday for those places that i had to be at.

Boring huh?
Yah... It's boring... no one's reading also... Sorry la... My life isn't like some adventure or some sort, i wish it was. Sometimes i do wonder if my life can be like the movies, let's say Lizzie McGuire Movie... Following info is all made up:

I get to go to Rome, the city where dreams and romantic things happen, for some school trip with some familiar good schoolmates. Under some accidental coincidence, some guy singer will come up to me and say i look like his female singing partner who is away now. Then i'll pose as her while i pretend sick on the school trip, then go exploring with that hot male singer.

The hot singer will then ask me to pose as his partner. I'll go for some music award to lip sync as his partner, while my best guy friend covers up for me, making me feel guilty. Followed by this, my accompanying lecturer finds out that i've been sneaking out and comes after me, bringing the schoolmates along. I pose as the partner, which lets me go on stage to perform. But get into lots of trouble, also realising tht the guy singer is some crap.

In the end, he's exposed to be some jerk. I get some adventurous grand performing with his wonderful female parter who such a sweet person. And even though i get SO grounded for the whole adventure... A special consolation for that best guy pal... I'll find out he likes me and... heh heh... he gets a kiss!!

K... the above is imagining from the Lizzie McGuire Movie... It's all false and untrue... made believe by the boring dreamer.. Me!

Another sleepless night

2005-06-15T06:12:00.000+08:00

Like to hear, knoe, and not find out why alone.
Yes, perhaps people have said tt some people need to go out to find the answers to their questions... However, this doesn't apply to all. Sometimes, they need to hear, listen, and find out why from others. One alone may not always be able to figure out on their own...

Since i haven't slept the whole nite... I've spent my time trying to edit html script... tried really hard, but there was still a problem in it. I tried really hard to find out where went wrong with the html script... However, like above, i alone, i do not know what's wrong... I need help to show me what's wrong.

But this world... So cold... so hostile... everyone's escaping... Everyone's running or on the run... Nobody wants to stop to tell why, nobody wants to speak or answer even a word...

I think i'm on my own...

6.06 in the morning now... At last Mac is open, perhaps i can drop by for breakfast...

I dunno what's gone wrong, i've apologised, i decided to give way, in the end.. there's still no sign at all... Have i done more wrong tt i've knoe not of?

I know they all have doubts, neither have i been a happier person, perhaps, i'll end up giving up before they do...

I'm feel like i'm in pain... i've got control... i speak not of...

When ya simply can't sleep

2005-06-14T06:16:00.000+08:00

I've been told many times tt if i quietly lied down in bed, had myself well tucked in, and feeling comfty... I would be able to sleep... Unfortunately, this doesn't exactly work all the time. I tossed and turned... Tried to stay as still and relax as possible... It didn't work. Now... Hah... I'm juz blogging bout this can't sleep issue.

I miss liz... If she was next to me now, i would really want a big hug now. Liz, take note of this when we meet the next time pls! For some reason, when i called to tell a fren i was sick, hot tears almost spilled out, i don't know why. But juz really weird is all i can say. I suddenly recall of those few rare times tt i was so sick tt i worried if i'll live to see the next sunrise(might sound too clichéd, plus Singapore is too cloudy to see sunrise from most locations!!!) and when in bed, i sob myself to sleep and say a silent prayer.

I've got something tt i wish to go for it, but doing so... will mean not being able to do anything this Saturday at all. Should i sacrifice something tt i've been thinking of and do what other stuff tt there are on Saturday instead? I can't decide...

Without any sleep, not feeling entirely well, in a slight dilemma, and feeling gloomy.. I don't know how i'll pass my day, in fact, the whole day in skool. Think it'll pass quickly? This is one entry, which i probably said alot tt's going thru my head at the moment.

And... Sunday (be it watever you-know-what Day it is) is ze most least important, actually, NOT important at all day to me... Juz pass like any ordinary day, fewer signboards or specials around please! not interested!

The forgotten of the forgotten...

2005-06-12T17:44:00.000+08:00

Once out, ya gone...
So wrong ya never not
Fold and unfold
tales of neverland

Like the word never
ya can dream on
about ever
hearing the mention

of a name
in the distance
that will remain
unheard forever...

-whatever you want
whatever you need
whatever it takes,
i'll do anything...-
Anything - The Calling

Moving...On...

2005-06-11T23:48:00.000+08:00

Err... Haven't been updating... K... Went for d&d last Saturday which i guess all hell broke free and everyone was partying off the nite! =D Well... Was cool & really fun, but muz thx the ppl behind it, like Len, Azlan... & so on... Overall, d&d was fun!

And somebody accidentally spilled orange juice on me, but good thing we had this room for the com(VIP room aka room for the ppl who organise stuff at thier ballroom) So hey man! No big prob! Got the orange & sticky feeling off with the personal toilet available! See... Gd thing i din panic! Heehee... But pls no next time... All orange juice stay clear!!!

Like all things have a start & a end... Last year during this time of the year... Was going through certain kinda life turmoil... However, something in me had decided to let go after this yr's d&d which also marked the end of 05/06 SportsCamp. Perhaps, there's things that take a much longer time to leave ya while their painful scars burn ya deeply.

Yes, a deep pain scar has been left, a mark i may never forget...
However, more or less...

I think i've let go...

frrom tis' day, thou shalt not stay still as tis' life moves on...

Completed an important mission! Yippy! Feeling relieve now...

Thank u! & How luv-ed i feel...

2005-06-04T14:47:00.000+08:00

These few days... Been kinda busy trying to clear my inbox of thoughts and thinking of how i should welcome some change into my life to change my attitude to life, people and all sorta things. Well... I think i did kinda come to some conclusions for certain stuff, and as there were too many things on my mind... Hmm... the least important ones, kinda went missing somewhere.

Actually, main purpose of this entry, guess is to thank a good friend. She's been a good listener, extremely helpful when i was in so damn late, and a great company as well. Err... Shd i mention her name? Ehh... Can anot? Maybe keep it low profile... but juz wanna say, thanks alot.. And it's great to have her as a friend! Ya know what? Ya did so so much for me, in this WHOLE week! Sorry man! I'm so troublesome!
Hint: She can start rolling on the floor if ya make her laugh too much... Lol

The following is something i saw from Andrea bout what Love is.
(these are parts taken here & there which r more meaningful to me...)

Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again,for you'll never know unless you give it a try.

You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love.

It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go.

And probably something Everyone muz learn..
To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain.

End here... going to D&D.. Heehee.. Nice blue dress!

Roll de' time

2005-06-01T01:35:00.000+08:00

Her eyes were teary
She looked away
And closed her eyes
She pretended to yawn
and wiped away her tears
...
she was right beside you...

TIME??
I said there'll be no time
But you all said there'll be
After the first week of observance,
.. Only 1 week!!
I think there'll be no time

ROLE
Lost... and Alone inside me
Even with friends
After every day,
after each passing day
Thy heart is filled with solitude

Known not of who tis' is
the girl with passion and so full of love
Or is tis' the waiting girl who is a Fool of love
Yet can seek no advise
But only to those who are "in"

Often misunderstood by those Unwise
seen by these as a desperate fall
Yes, thy heart has fell
But tis' not be a desperate one
Instead full of meaning which they all know not

- X - X - X - X - X -X - X - X - X -

Had the chance, didn't take it again... again!
Why? I don't understand??!
Why did i take back when given the chance at first??

Kind???? WHAT???
In the end... IT ONLY REPEATS... JUZ LIKE THE LAST TIME!!!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzgetxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxleftzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzbehindsssssssssssssss

R-a-n-d-o-m

2005-05-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

Always having so much thoughts
But so little time to clear them
Sometimes, don't really know what they are
All in mess as they swirl and twirl in that mind.
-Could someone clear them out... one day...-

Teary eyes that don't cry
Smiley faces which frown at all times
Hands that hold to things that lose control
Steps leaving behind no trails

Something which i heard from a show, something which sounded kinda meaningful... "Everytime when you give a little something to anyone, you leave a little part of you in someone." However, remember to give and dun take away their smiles on their face...

Oh God! Juz saw a dancing pig!!! Time to sleep now!!!

Left... feeling full... of thoughts...

Survived week 1, but feeling sickly...

2005-05-28T17:14:00.000+08:00

Ah chOo!! Ah cHOO!!! Lastly... AH CHOO!!!!!

Drugging yourself endlessly with yucky horrible tablets does help...! EEEEeee!!! At least tt horrible nose dripping has stopped & dun need to stuff tissues up my nose! Eeee...ll!!! I betta stop on the nasty details!

Yesterday's 3 - 6pm class was terrible... Kinda b-o-r... I think i ain't need to spell it all out. But with all the nose drippin'... I juz had hide my nose with a tissue in my jacket and ly my head on the table. Hmm... Perhaps if i was feeling any betta, i might have juz slept thru' ze class! Now... Did i fall asleep or not? haha...

With all the Star Wars craze goin' on... I never, NEVER EVER, thought tt i'll fall prey as one of them to go chasing after it. BUT... what the h*ll! Who cares? After watching Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Seth... Err... Dun blame me if i got it wrong, i'm still pretty new at it! What i want now, is to watch all the other episodes!!! ALL I SAY!! ALL!!! Yeay!! Can't wait to get them & it'll be movie marathon for like... say 15 hours??? Maybe ard there or lesser?

No class & close shave!!!

2005-05-25T19:03:00.000+08:00

Last entry was almost a week ago... Oh well.. Laptop ain't back from MeL yet, so i ain't rejoicing much bout the fact tt i've got a com to use like every 4~5 mins every now & then which is only sufficient time to check my e-mail due to the fact tt my internet is super duper slow. Hmm.. Sounded like a pretty long sentence.

Ah hah! Me & my big mouth... Was saying tt i betta not end up coming to skool to find tt white piece of paper on the door saying, "Class is cancelled!". And true enough... It ended up tt way! Thankfully, Bryan got there earlier! Lol... Thx for the info still! Kinda #$%^$ tt i was on the way to skool today! *GRRRRrrr!!!!*

Went to roller-blade juz now! =D Haven't done so in a long time... Err... Almost got myself terribly injured! Was going down a slope area & din brake in time at the turning which cost me to fall forward. Then my head was heading toward this pillar. Thank god i caught hold of something! Phew!!!! My head was juz 2 inches away from the pillar. Glad tt i ain't got bandages around tt head of mine.
Next time: Dun blade too fast if i haven't done so in a long time...

Holidays ending, almost recovering

2005-05-17T23:47:00.000+08:00

This holiday... Has been an awfully weird one indeed. I've been brought through extreme mood changes, even fell into the state of depression which i think i sorta recovered or am still recovering from it. Perhaps its sounds shocking, but i guess this muz have been due to overload of household chores which made me stuck at home and letting my mind wonder off too far. So apologies to those who suffered due to my condition...

The Cat & Mice story
The mice had chase the cat out. However, as it was impossible to place a bell around the neck of the cat, they now face the stress that the cat may return ONE DAY without any warning. If the cat returns... Will the mice even be able to escape the evil paws & claws?? I sure hope so... I sure hope so...

Sorry, still pretty depressing. That's why my No. 1 reason why i hate to be alone... why i dun like to stay at home... why i make frequent phonecalls when at home... Home - simply seems juz solely for rest & nothing more these days. Home - To replenish my stock to enable me to adventure out on my own. I muz get out of this mood. If any advise to give, all are welcomed.

Trying to find something positive which i may be allowed to speak of. Coz there are lots of things that she can't speak of, can't say, share, or utter a single word from her breathe. Maybe she needs love? Err.. What? Yet the sound of the word "love" rolls off gently off the tongue, releasing an inner warmth in her soul. Ah~ Yes, she recalls. Her love whom she wishes to say the 3 words with all her heart each and everyday. Yes, with all her heart she has to give. Even though saying it too often may lead to some disbelief or questioning like, "Are u sure?, she'll still say it. If she has the chance or courage to...

And pe-please!!! The 3 words aren't:
I need sex!
I am deprived!
I feel sad
I'm so happy - of coz i'll feel tt way with my love

But it'll simply be,
I love you...

Ze SportsCamp week

2005-05-15T15:42:00.000+08:00

So... This is how it goes...
Was at SportsCamp from start to end. It reminded me of last yr's SportsCamp when i was juz a freshie, my gls, cgls, crazy frens... That's last yr.

My role this year: Supposedly committee member, but i din seem pretty much involved in committee during the camp itself other than the registration stuff, and a few miscellaneous stuff for committee member.

My other roles: First aider... Gosh! I went to 2 clinics - Sliver Cross & Clementi Polyclinic (2 times!) And 1 hospital visit to NUH. Not me... But i had to accompany the freshies who din feel well.

Another role (very impt): Helper (banana squad!!!) lol.. Yep! It was great working with all ze other helpers! Lotza fun, though, we, the helpers, had lots to do, & little rest. Dun disregard the Banana Squad k!!! Very VERY IMPT!!!

But very sad... Running around with all the different roles felt damn freaking confusing!!! Sometimes... I really din knoe what to do, who i was suppose to be, and how to go about. But i guess no one knew i felt tt way. What the pt in saying it on the blog now, ya all muz b wondering?! Well... Maybe i wan them to knoe, maybe i juz wanna let it out.

At least... 1 person in the camp knew how i felt. Thankz fren! I'm grateful. Thx 4 understanding how i felt... But i would have still gone through the camp, disregarding how i felt, & still smile my way thru. NO... I'm not making myself seem great or what-so-ever shit! But tt's juz the way things go... Life juz goes on whether gd or bad...

BUT!!! Definitely not happy with those who blamed me for wearing the wrong shirt at the wrong time when I was already so confused bout my role & ya all din make things any betta! Plus, i think it's only right tt i wore the yellow shirt since i was working with them most of the time.

Those r my stuff, so... not important. What's impt is that the camp went alrite & everyone is happy in the end. I did feel sad when Kai hugged me, i'm gonna miss having him ard. But hey~ i'll still see him sometimes when he comes back.

SPORTSCAMP 05/06 OEI!!! Yey!!! 3 cheers & 3 cheers!!!

Next things ahead for SSC:
SportsCamp Dinner & Dance! Interesting!! *heehEe... More picz to take!!!*
Hmm.. not too sure what else... Perhaps settle com stuff.

My fren told me... i look sad & troubled... He says... I got too much on my mind tt needs me to let it out. Sigh~ how i wish ya not right, but you kinda r, are you? Nah... doesn't matter... i'll be fine.
Liz: i'm on the way recovering from the U-know-wat~

3 wishes? What's yours?

2005-05-08T12:18:00.000+08:00

A little laughter, a truthful cheery smile, helps to travel a really long way... Mom was surprised to see me home this morn', & even though she din tell me bye face to face yesterday, i still kinda felt the need to come home. *of coz i wasn't fully coming home to help her to do the 'paint the house' job* -crap~! Juz got myself into more work!-

It's kinda sad to hear from Winnie today tt Uncle Kev got a heart attk. While hoping to go Aust, but i sure wouldn't wanna b going there coz of any serious probs. Hope he gets well soon.

*the 2 delivery guyz*
Haha... 2 slim ( my mom says: skinny) guys brought in the furniture & fixed up the double beds for us. Juz 2 persons k! Tall & slim, but really STRONG!!! (Mom says: WAH!! Ni Men Kan Qi Lei Shou Shou De! Ke Si Que Je Me You Li! - wah! You 2 look so skinny, but u 2 are so strong!) Lol... For a moment i wondered if it was a compliment to him or not...

*EEEE!!!*
So much LOVEY DOVEY in the house!!! EEEE!!! So mushy tt i feel gross out at times! 1, 2 , 3... *YUCKS!!!* Fine, if ya all say i got no love. *swings heads to one side & tilts up!* Hmpft!

*Aladdin*
What what would it be like in the cartoon world, to live in Agrabah, visit the cave of wonders... Perhaps find a Genie in some bottle, in a coke cola can is also fine with me. I dunno, it'll all seem pretty exciting, funny as all cartoons do, err... Lovey stuff will be ard somehow... Hmm...

>>>>SO what will YOU ask for if YOU had 3 wishes???

Wonder anyone will tag or leave anything on haloscan, will check when i get back...

Okay.. will be heading back to camp after the painting... For now...
Ta~ Ta~ *heehee... cAmPinG*

Alot of times when she smiles, her heart cries.
-loneliness, inner sadness tt seems hard to define-

2005-05-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

Speaking in riddles with twists and turns each time
Yet ya the only one who knows
In times, maybe 1 or 2
Otherwise, juz loneliness and tiring thoughts that have to hide

The last 2 days has been really good as compared to cleaning up the house, vacuuming, mopping, wiping, being ordered around, facing a furious fire, and hearing endless nonsense caused by her. Mich & Bryan accompanied me to the arcade where we made a lotta noise, and our catch for the day was 4 toys. Haha... And played Xbox too, which i think we weren't too good at it.

And due to some unhappy nonsense that i said, someone still took it in a nice manner and accompanied out yesterday. Thank u =) And of coz, had the chance to meet 2 other persons last nite, but i betta keep your things *hush *hush*, in case you dun intend to let others know.

I'll be off for a camp again... Yes... Still haven't packed anything. But roughly got an idea. I can imagine sleeping at 3 or 4 plus (am) in the morning and waking 2 hours later at 6 in camp. Camp after all, lots of sleep is the last thing you'll be getting.

I dun knoe how am i suppose to do any documents or what-so-ever during the camp without my laptop. MINE CAN'T ACCESS WINDOWS & I'M USING MY MOM'S NOW. So ppl if you most din wanna hear this or were hoping tt i printed or backup my documents... Well, the answer is... NO! ALL THE SSC DOCS R GOING 2 BE WIPED OUT! NO HARDCOPY, NO NOTHING. So dun ask k... I'm not too happy bout this...

And a little something i like from Kingdom of Heaven
"Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Speak the truth, alway, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath"
*SPLAT!* That's slap Godfrey gives! Very impressive show and i'm pretty impress with how he managed 20,000 - 30,000 extras. And by the way, production took place in Spain, and Holy land Jeruselem, was actually the Kingdom of Morroco.

In shock, can you keep your cool?

2005-05-04T12:05:00.000+08:00

Most people always think that when in times of danger, they'll know exactly what to do or how to react. Sometimes, we even have a plan or there's a fix instruction on how to handle the situation. However... when in times of danger... apparantly, some will fall into state of shock or loss
. . . and i'm one

The burning smell threatening its way through the air
Perhaps as a warning or maybe just smiling as it gets bigger
Following the smoke to its source,
had revealed a flame furiously burning its way up.

. . . i didn't know how to stop it

Though the fire had been put out
The heart thumps with fear
as it recalls the fierry flames which could have
engulf all words which i haven't said
. . . i wanted to speak to ...

Lying in bed, trying to sleep
but all i saw was burning red.
The heart raced at these disturbing thoughts
which made me decide to speak to God
. . . thank you for extra time

Since no one but prayer could share how it felt,
i knew not exactly of what i thought
But with each words that came out...

closed eyes cried

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
*Ronan Keating

Helpful.. Err.. Oops!

2005-05-02T03:08:00.000+08:00

Your friendly neighbourhood Garung Guni is definitely the saviour when it comes to all that old stuff. There was practically "heaps" of stuff piled one side at a corner outside my house that when the Mr G.G came, he helpfully took all the stuff away! =D tt's nice... But due to such large amt of stuff, Mr G.G thought we moved out & took our clothes Rack away as well. Funny mistake... Silly me tried to find it when i woke up, but couldn't find it at all. Got a new one now... *haha*

Toys - ~faint~ I juz realised tt i've got so MANY toys, but juz tt they've been packed away all the while! Was damn freaky to go through all tt toys & to say the word "stay" would only mean - "Omg! Where the hell ya gonna put that toy!"
But whenever i say it "Goes", as in give away, i held the toy in hand & thought back as to how the toy came to me - be it given, bought, or from arcade games, & how it probably companied me in games - role playing adventures, or probably as a 'huggable'.

Eventually, i juz let go, coz i have TOO MANY TOYS! Gotta make sure i dun bring anymore cuddly buddies home after every "SO CUTE" comment...

New Bed.. Yes... Unfortunately, tt'll be only available for Monday night (today) & about the old one i have... It's occupied. Thoughts of sleeping like a piglet is 'way off' for the Sat's & Sun's sleep coz i'm now reduced to... *drum roll pls* A Sleeping Bed! ~sigh! Fancy making use of it before even going to camp on Sat! Sofa's a betta today.

Garung Guni pls!

2005-04-30T18:47:00.000+08:00

Throwing... Cleaning... Buying... Moving... More Throwing... TONS of cleaning more... all boils down to... VERY VERY TIRING & DUSTY! Om*g! Still at the "more throwing" stage, *sigh* so long way more to go...

But on the brighter side, gonna get a new bed soon & gonna re-do the room. More space which i can call my own from next week onwards, but i won't be ard to enjoy the space coz i'll be at camp by then.

For now... Garung guni man is my saviour to the old stuff that's outside my door. The so-called children story enemy, Dust Bunny is my greatest nemesis, and bringing along side-kicks, Heavy boxes. And to add on to the villains in crime, ya got Naggy Grand Mama who salvages EVERY item which has NOT even been touched in the last 10YRS & claims it as useful. P-Pls! Whoever said tt cleaning was easy in my house, is so wrong!

After all of this, i sure wanna treat myself to a gd meal & LOTs of gd rest! Ice-cream, calamari, escargos, pasta, salad, sushi... Whichever.. they all sound gd.

there's no place... like a roof

2005-04-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

Out to search somewhere of "my own"
Yet constantly stepping into others' homes
Nowhere else left for me to go
But stay and live in this place alone

They knew not at times of this stranger
who went in and out which is even weirder
However clever they thought themselves to be
only seemed temporary at moments at least

So how far can smartness bring to those
who know not the real meaning of a rose?
Or even the truth behind love and passion?
But reasons like these are only just... Such a little portion...

-Livie- Understanding the place

*Controlled*
Have no say, can't speak, can decide, treated little, least thought of, accused, assumptions made by others, and a whole bloody list to go.... Don't know what to say, really don't know what to say.

-A burning tear spills out of corner, but is wiped away, leaving the threatening eyes feeling a stinging sensation and with a slight swell of redness... Eventually, numb and pain.-

Looking around, things dun feel so warm and fuzzy,
its all so cold and hard just like my reality
Swallowed hard so many times
for things to only keep resurfacing

Harsh, thou not, cause ya all know not
Of what is truth or whether i'm talking rot
Maybe thy life may seem like a story
or another tale that others may carry

But i know not of what's behind
despite how much i forget every anger line
Console need not be my wings to fly
Just get me an escape route which i can ride

-Livie-

Life, i wanna say it sux. But its all up to how ya view it and live in it, or how ya can change it. As of now, i can't change it... Stuck living and viewing like a buffoon... There's nothing i can do, but try to get myself out of as much trouble as possible. Of coz, i dun wanna move out, not tt i won't be able to survive, but it means losing the kinship forever. So i won't "hope" as i always do, instead, i'll juz wait for things to get betta.

Juz let me exclaim pls ppl...
LIFE BLOODY WELL SUX BIG TIME, SUX THE BLOOD OUTTA ME, SUX THE FUN OUTTA ME, SUX THE LIFE OUTTA ME... And... MY DAMN HOUSE (i will not call it home) IS A BLOODY FUN SUCKER!

P.s: Sorry for the negative, yet violent, and blood sucking entry which was probably hard to read and absorb.

Have a BLOODY good time...

A sweet tasting, smelling weekend...

2005-04-25T02:49:00.000+08:00

Lizhen had planned for a cake for quan & I on Sat nite. That was really nice of her and quan & i really appreciated it. Haha... But poor quan had already had 3 cakes for the week, so it was another one to go down into tt tummy. But on a good note: She's slim enough to take on another creamy cake.

Then it was gurlz nite at Liz place, they watched some chinese show first, while i watched a bit here & there. Actually, i really wanted to lay my hands on her bro's guitar (Sorry Ivan, damn tempting to play some music!) which i didn't do so in the end. Then we watched Freak Friday & the 3 of us were laughing our heads off.

Board or Bored? We ended up playing Board games: Monopoly & guess who, which i haven't been playing in a really long time. Wahaha... Seemed like i was losing in Monopoly, but the tables turned, Heehee... I won, but i think they gave way.

Back at home on Sunday, i decided to miss the Sentosa trip. Well, it was raining in my area despite of all that bright Sunshine. And back to disposing & packing... Apparently, Uncle went MIA & there's was no one to move the stuff. Sigh..

Lacking of concern from, i'll ignore. Coz after some days the busy ones have decided to take out little of their time out. Even though Escarda smelled so sweet, a settle for Adidas with some sister-ly love was much better. For some things, admittedly she showed effort. Knowing that 1-too-many bears had been lying low, having given way to only one that had a place.

Feeling: Like Crap!

2005-04-20T23:40:00.000+08:00

Thank god, his gift, and the things he has in mind ahead of me. The holy sunday, he sacrificed his time, on morn' came an unexpected arrival of another one. Though duties not onto him, he took charge only to do what he felt right. To stay to help, missed his holy prayer' which he probably had in thoughts while at work. Grateful.

Sigh... It's juz another day, another day.
Morning - Mom gave me a hug & wished me a gd day ahead. In school, doing Sc com id, guess it wasn't neccessary to have the meeting so early for them. But I felt it was a better choice to start early, apart from it was to my advantage a bit. Still minutes passed me by very slowly. The com was really nice to sing me 2 b-day songs, haha... Location was the bus-stop. Something different.

Unfortunately, i tripped & fell over the short benches at the snackbar in skool when i was probably about to get 'sabo'. (Senses an evil person saying ya deserve it.) Well... stupid SHORT bench was out of my vision, so i fell over. 1 word for this: OUCH!!!

Afternoon: Left them from the bus-stop, helped mom drop a cheque at the bank. My pal was not there yet... Oh well... Today, i guess i've been an early person. Waited... Seriously, i was looking forward to a relaxing day, where i'll juz follow along, eat happily, do some happy stuff, laugh & smile, & have no nonsense. Truthfully, things didn't start off well. It's not that i wanted anything to be special, but at least be relax, things go well, & let me be happy.

In the end, thought it over, and decided. Forget the not-so-positive stuff and cheer up, things ain't that bad. Clara & Toreen contacted me, and at least, i've got gd company, so that's something to smile about. And the first gift...

Sorry! I couldn't get a clear pic of it. I remember mentioning in my old blog tt jewellery ain't my choice of a gift to be received... Cause it's expensive &... Nah... Shan't say the other. But still, thank you for the gift, your thoughtfulness, & i like it.

But thinking it over... i've had the greatest gift all along with me. Heehee... That's for me to know & not for anyone to find out! =p

I feel much happier now...

Count it off to 1

2005-04-19T09:39:00.000+08:00

Sitting by the bed,
the days counted off 1
thy thoughts could not tell
what her lady had felt

With her gaze off far
to the past of their past
She recalls in her friends
who stood by her in class

*Crez time*
I still have the pony soft toy with the friendship band that has my name on it. Nope, i've never forgotten that. I dunno why, but it came to my mind this morn. Recalling that i went into class and found tt on my table. That was really sweet! Now, the gals are busy with their stuff, so it's difficult to meet them all up. And Liz, who never forgets, & always keep in contact. A person is lucky juz to have a few of the greatest friends, than to have so many tt juz make a step past.

*Wants & Needs*
I've been wanting a jacket, but i never go out to shop. Lol... K... Over this weekend. See if i'll go buy it... Anything else? I've thought over & over, somehow, i juz couldn't think of anything. It juz seems like there's nothing i really need, neither is there anything else i want. Weird? Nah... nothing weird... Or maybe my "wants" are visually impossible for me to ask for, (haha...) so it boils down to nothing. Yah what, the surf board & go surfing... In Spore? Ya nutz! Totally! Hmm.. nope, there's nothing i want, now at least.

*A swing*
I guess what i want, is a nice swing. A swing, the one at the playground, ya knoe... I always love the swing the most when i was kid, even up till now, i still love it the most. I would swing really, really high (heehee... my frenz who went to the playground with me would knoe). I knoe when i was really much younger, mayb less than 7 or 8, i din know how to swing myself. And once at the playground, i sat on the swing and watched others at play.
However, someone came to swing me in the end =D I dun really remember who that was. For sure it wasn't that boy, Yuan Yuan (round round! Hahaha!!). But i felt really happy when whoever came to push the swing. Even though i'm like so grown up now, I think i wanna go to the playground again & spend some time there... One that has got a swing... Would ya wanna swing with me?

Rap off, wrapping up the mess~

2005-04-18T12:36:00.000+08:00

Guy falls in love with girl
Girl falls in love with guy
That's how relationships begin, but someone has to start somehow...

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted, one moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip? Yo

Why am i talking bout these..? Juz trying to divert my thoughts to somewhere else, hopefully far far away... I look around and see a place, where a layer darkness lies on everything. Irritation and sighs is how she responses back.
Maybe she has grievances bout life, negative bout things around, but she's juz letting it out into the net of words, where... Eventually, everything is juz electricity, a disperse of alphabets from A - Z, numbers from 0 - 9, and symbols that scatter around.

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin' roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin' in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin', stepped writin' the next cypher
Best believe somebody's payin' the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my nine to five
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer
This is my life, and these times are so hard
And it's getting even harder tryin' to feed and water my seed, plus
See dishonour caught up between bein a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama screamin on and too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot
Success is my only mothafuckin' option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go with my shot, feet fail me not
This may be the only opportunity that I got

Listening to raps probably wasn't ze choice back then, but with the influence from a fren, i thought it din seem so bad after all. The words juz slip out and its rhythm plays on,each with a different feeling that it wants ya to go on with it from the start to the end. This probably also is one of the songs which i remember the lyrics. Erm... I can rap it, but betta not ask me to, it's weird to see someone like me do it. You'll probably laugh after a few lines or two.

Totally random, utterly nonsense! Dunno what tha hell i'm tokking bout... Eminem's song, Mockingbird is nice too. Try listening to it. Aunties make really rare visits, so nice of her to bring me lunch too. But bad timing to come when the house is in a mess, gotta get off the ass & start throwin'

Lose Yourself

Missed the trip to go alone!

2005-04-17T00:45:00.000+08:00

Sadly... I've miss the chance to go walking on my own on the friendly streets of Brisbane for this holiday. Well... It's quite confirm bout that coz i'm busy with camp and that was planned like, way long before the holiz even began. So there's hardly anytime here & there to squeeze out time for a holiz. Maybe can manage to get a week outta my schedule, but no point man~ Wanna go, might as well go for 2 weeks. (Air ticket ain't cheap after all, so wanna go, muz stick ard there longer!)

*cheeR uP!*

As of so far... The holiz has been, not bad. But like hey~ who wouldn't mind going off on a trip rite? Things to look forward to for now, my new room & more camp & meeting with gd buddies n palz! =D At least, there's things to smile about still!

*hP*

K... Sorry tt i always give a late reply back. When i say late, it's either hours or days! Very very late man! Sometimes i so happen to be sleeping, snacking, or busy, thus at that point of time i tell myself to reply later, but i always end up forgetting. Err... real sorry ppl!

*shOppinG*

Yes! I'm still whinning over the new jacket! Even though i've got a sponsorship on it (that would be my mom =p), this gal has not gone out to search for it! NAh... i went to look ard once, but din see anything nice. But the heard the new stock is in, so it's about time i've check it out.

2nd day - Matriculation for freshies

2005-04-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

Whee! SportsCamp Oei!!! Yeah! Loads of ppl signed up for the camp! =) I'm truly happy bout that... as for whether we'll be able to handle the large number of ppl who will be coming... Nah~ Worry later! The more, the merrier!

*Cute guys & cute gurls*
Heehee... Target spotted! Cute gurls in ze building!! Err.. cute guys ah~? Hmm... -_-" Err... YAh... Some. Or maybe i din notice... No Mede i'm not gonna say bout what ya said, but i'll juz say . . . (*puking in process*) Nah! Kidding dude! Meanwhile, i'm hoping that daddy's gal will be back! (*shakes head* I'm not a guy...)

*Conflict/ Control/ Caution*
I'll remember tt person, B!(name not mentioned to protect freshie's identity)
After realising tt he signed up for freshmen Camp & not his MORE FAVOURABLE CHOICE: SPORTSCAMP, (awww...) the guy was not pleased with himself for placing his 20 bucks in the wrong hands! *ShIt! Did i juz say these... pardon me with my words used! Feeling bit feisty! Heh heh* He tried to get a refund the first time, but was unsuccessful...
I think he din bring sufficient cash, so he had a struggle as to how he was going to sign up for Sportscamp. Juz when i approached him while he was sitting down to check if things were fine, 3 very anxious ppl quickly squeezed me off...(Hey! I never say ya from what camp k! Kind enuff! bLeH!) Through some explanations on the misunderstanding as to where his 20 bucks was being spent on, B still decided tt getting back a refund was the best solution! =D
Funny guy! What he did next when the cash was in hands? The boyish-looking guy with a big grin on his face, happily sat down at our booth, held out the cash & was certain that he wanted to sign up for... SPORTSCAMP.

Hopefully, those peekz ain't petty, but it was B's own idea all along. No instigations or anything! No hard feelings if ppl like something else... (Damm! I think i'm so bad by the way i'm talking... Muz be ya caught me on a bad day man!) Anyway, they got something to smile about, tt they're lucky to have this BARRIER that is put up to ensure tt they get everyone else FIRST, BEFORE US! So... nothing to get unhappy about.

*Moving*
Errr... Nope! Not going out of ze country, neither am i leaving fsv! (Muahahaha!!! 2 more yrs of suffering with me!!!) Juz moving outta ze house, but also not entirely moving! I'll juz say... It's a VERY COMPLICATED thing, which can be SOME WHAT HILARIOUS, yet also VERY PATHETIC, AND... a matter tt gives me an EXTREME HEADACHE if not PLAN, CARRY OUT, or SOMETHING "A BIT" UNEXPECTED, or rather A POSSIBILITY that can TAKE PLACE really HAPPENS! Then... if anything BACKFIRES, God bless those souls on the outcome that will take place... Amen~

P.S: Anyone with a guitar to lend me please? Feeling bored... Would love to pick it up again!
Target: Electric guitar... If i learn the guitar well! =D *gd luck! long way to go!

Sounds of the night

2005-04-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

The lights flashing
The cold night air blowing.

Not a single sound heard in the buzzing city.

Thank god, it was only temporary. And at least there's still sight...

So many things that seems to be happening this month.
Let's see if i can survive through this month!

Gotta move outta the place end of the month, how to move, where to go, how the hell everything will take its place... I've got no idea man~!

To Lianne, yup! all ze best to ya! And to the rest like huiying, Lena, and all my old frenz. Still... Kinda wonder where or what i'll end up if i took A's. o_O

Morning - 2nd day gl camp

2005-04-07T07:45:00.000+08:00

o.O
O.O

Hmpf?

6.04am... Haven't had enough sleep, but then again... This is a camp. Went to sleep at 300am, but kept tossing & turning. *goSh!* (Muz have passed my sleeping hours)

6.30am... Sky still dark and cloudy. My feet standing at the grand stand waiting for the group leader to arrive... for... MORNING PT!!! (physical training~!) My toes seem to be sleeping still...

700am - After having run, stretch, & shout, k... We're still NOT awake now. (Seh... & Blur... VERY BLUR!!! *clara agrees*) Now, kungfu time... -__-?

7.10 - Stretch those tense muscles & doing punches & kicks... Who's teaching? lol... ME! So fun! Sorry... very blur... Bit high without sleep! *gone case*

7.50- time for breakfast... & more to come at Orchard station games later! Gonna join 1 of the groups... Shake it up, & wake up!

AHHHH!!! HUNGRY!!!

I need to learn.

2005-04-05T12:52:00.000+08:00

Along... Alone... Always had been...
No matter how much care or effort that is put in will never ever work out.
Someone said to me that i only cared for myself, perhaps so... Coz that's what happens when there's no one to care for. They don't bother.

What is it in there? That anything done is not reflected upon. The times when you're ill, someone still takes the trouble to ask how are you, gets food for you, and coz of so, is late for skool. The times when you're sad, "moronically" still wants to help you, only to get yell at or scolded. The time when you wanted to leave this place forever, yet was forbided to, and had shed tears through those eyes... For who? For you...

But do you understand?

NO

In this house, not home, surrounded by cold, and icicles all around; sharp, cold icicles that pierce you if you stay. But the walls hold all these tightly inside, building up a facade all around, making believe that this is the place you have to return to. Consequently, the walls have blocked out everything, even the invisible things - care, relationships...

Nope... I didn't bring my laptop to skool. It's juz that i'm back at home. Having some discomfort in the tummy, so i returned home last nite to get a good rest. A good rest today, and hopefully well recharged for tomolo as things get busier too. Missing out on things that i have to know... Dunno if i'll be able to make myself useful tomolo.

I think too much... i need to clear my mind. . .

Off to camp!

2005-04-04T07:42:00.000+08:00

Rise & Shine? I can't even sun anywhere...
Weather report: Cloudy skies & a cool breeze (Woodlands)
Weather Forecast: Showers over many areas...

Not too bad... Managed to finish packing! =) (which I thought won't be possible for me) Now, gotta carry 1 stuffed bag pack & Another sling bag. Am glad that i can sit down and enjoy a cup of warm milo & a bowl of cornflakes. o.O k... I'm juz crapping all the way.

The trip to Orchard on a recce mission: I think the gl (grp leaders) are gonna have a tough time at town during the training. Haha...

Think i've been seeing lots of weird things lately... Ppl playing footsie under the table, a guy wearing the colds storage vest singing loudly to himself (i think)... & others...

Anyway, juz a very scattered entry! I'm feeling bit blur now. For now, ardious! I'm off to camp! Have a good rest at home friends! If ya one of the grp leaders, gd luck to ya! (Muahahaha...!)

Not ready at all!

2005-04-03T11:35:00.000+08:00

The 3 suspicious looking bottles were there by the wall... They didn't look like any normal bottle; short stumpy body and long skinny neck. I suspect, black magic. But my belief, it won't work coz i don't believe.

Haven't packed a single thing and i'm suppose to go camp... Tomorrow! *Uh-hum*... And hope sis & her bf comes home with the sleeping bag. Can't imagine myself staying over in school again, the last time it was badly litted at nite (Ya know that when ya wanna go to the toilet) and terribly cold at 5am (Morning PT? *yAwN~* wAke mE wheN its doNe plS???)

1 ssc meeting and another recce later. Heehee... Mom's giving me a lift, So... I'm gonna ask bout the sponsor later. YiPpY! I wanna get a new jacket! But i wonder where that old jacket went?

Today's Joel's birthday. haha... But too bad that he has examz... Enjoy it next year pal!

Light-Hearted Beginnings for the Month of April

2005-04-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

Here some comic strips to entertain...

And Another...

*Still Considering...*

To work or not to work? Or should i say to look for it or not? Still undecided on whether i should go and work AND should i go back to the florist job that i used to do...? Well... i'll consider over the next 2 days. However, the flowers already seem to be tempting me to head back.

*ApRiL*

The month of Spring, ze month of Love.

How i wish i could be in Japan now... Do ya know that the beautiful blossoms of Sakuras are in bloom...? For 7 days, trees filled with petals of pink fill the street sides, park, and even outside the houses with this pretty pinkie scenery. People sitting below the trees to enjoy this sight with family, friends, and loved ones.

I'll love to see it too!

*Schedule*

For this month...

I'll be busy with

1 camp - Starting as of Monday (Get ready 4 the unexpected)

Playing computer games

Getting out of the house (It's annoying at home)

Trying to do some shopping (Needa get the MOM sponsor)

Plan outings with Friends

Plan something for T1A3 (In the process of thinking)

And... personal...

Get Lots of Sleep!

Freshly Done

2005-03-31T21:10:00.000+08:00

YipPy! Done At Last~! Welcome to the new blog...